Letter to God

Dear God,

Today i feel so mad with You. I know it seems so stupid indignation. But I don't care. You put me in unfair situation that is killing me.
I love You God, I love You so badly. You know that as clear as a water in the glass. I will never replace You with him, or cheating my belief in You with his belief.
NEVER God, NEVER..

You send him for me, for make me understand You more than before.
He opened my eyes about the meaning of our relationship.
He made me looked for You and when everything is going to be perfect, you just put her with a stupid dirty thinking about me and him.
How come God.. How come..

I love him God, but I love You more.
I respect and honor her, because i can not be like her, accept him without demanding. But today i hate her so badly. I just wanna slap her cheeks to make her realize that she should to believe him. That is supposed to be her as his girl friend.

Love is not chain, why she puts chain in his neck. Just because we are close, it does not mean that i will grab him from her. Okay, i understand if it is only the thing that most of women do if she feels insecure because the other woman.
But God, i am not the kind of girl who will be a destroyer for a couple, doesn't she know how much he loves her?
HE LOVES HER SO BADLY.. No matter that He can not write a romantic poem, never brings a rose, or be a romeo but who care if he is always be there for her. A little bitter sweet that always make me envy. Why she just can believe him.. why..

I love him God.. but i love You more..
How could You be so torturing me

Now... we have to stay away just because a stupid reason "keeping her feeling secure".
I lost my soul, my blue sky, my Lucifer, my yellow butterfly, my best mate, partner in crime to curse the stupid thing happens in the world.. but it is okay, and i will be okay.
There is no one anymore whom i can talk about Krakatau Research License that own Oxford University, about the mess of politic in Indonesia, about the religion that always put us into temper situation, about romantic sad poem, about rare book, or many my bad dating that never success.
There is no one i can talk about my scary, tears, sadness, and happiness, but i will be okay.
yes, i will be okay.. is it right God? I will be okay, right?

At least,
i deal with this. But with Your kindness, Wise and all of the Biggest Thing From You.
Please please don't ever make me meet someone again, if the ending just like a sh*t.
Pardon for my bad mouth.. i am tired for being hurt.. and she is like knowing me well talk about hurt. If i want your boyfriend then i will never suggest him to be patient with you. stop giving me faking smile..

i will ignore her just like i always ignore people that i don't like them
have a good time. God bless you..

with a full of love,
-icha-